Subject:
Formal Letter Writing
Dear
Dr. Blackstone,
My name is Chee Si Yong, a student from
telematics year one. We had communication lesson on Wednesday and it
was also the first time I talk to almost everyone in the class. It was a
memorable and great interacting experience.
Graduating
in RP with a Diploma of electrical and electronic engineering, I developed a
great passion for signalling and transportation system. As an electrical
student in republic polytechnic, I am trained to build circuits and learning
basic fundamental in a problem based learning environment, which means I had to
discuss my solution in the class. One of my favour topic would be signals and
battery, which I research it in depth myself and chose it as my FYP later on in
my diploma.
I
took on many internships at various engineering and research company. So I understand
some of the technic that was apply in the field of research industry. Due to
associate with people whom are engineers and scientist, i had opportunity to learn
how they translate term to people who are not in the field.
However,
my weakness for communication is that I am always afraid of being awkward and
not confident to initiate a topic without great understanding to it.
At
the end of this trimester, I wish that through the help of this module, I will
be a better team player, that could communicate and learn a few technic that
can overcome my weakness.
Sincerely,Chee Si Yong
1800599
CheeSiYong@outlook.com
A lot of grammatical error, "favour topic", "technic" (technique), bad sentence structure in many sentences, wrong capitalization "Diploma", "RP" might be an unknown abbreviation to non-locals. I apologise for the many critics for your language. Please brush up on the sentence structure and the grammatical error.
ReplyDeleteThe content is relative good. However, I think that a tinge of your personal interest or hobby would be a plus. Further elaboration on the weakness is needed for the recipient to understand you better.
The subject is wrong. It is meant for the recipient not the task that you must do.
relatively*
DeleteThanks for your constructive comments.
DeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteI would like to say it will be great if you are able to spell out the full name for RP and FYP as not everyone will know the abbreviation. It will also be better if you do a spell check before publishing the post. For example, it should be technique instead of technic, topics instead of topic. "I" should be in caps.
As for your weakness, I think it will be great if you try to step out of your comfort zone.
Overall, I think the content of the post is relatively informative. However, it will be great if you are able to share more about your personal interests.
Thanks for advising me on my weakness.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Si Yong,
ReplyDeleteRP in the first paragraph can be written as Republic Polytechnic (RP) so that subsequently you can use RP and the recipient can understand the meaning of RP. Likewise for FYP, you can state the full name first before using the word FYP.
Overall, I feel that your letter writing is well written and content is really good as well.
Dear Si Yong,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this reflection with us. I appreciate you sharing so much about your study background and your strengths and weaknesses in communication.
The letter covers most of the assigned topics in a concise manner, but because of some language issues and a lack of some detail it is not always clear. You also seem not to have included much in the way of your interests outside of study. Is that intentional?
In terms of language use, let's review these areas (some of them I have revised for you, others not):
1. phrasing/words/caps/number
-- Graduating in RP with a Diploma of... >>> Graduating from Republic Polytechnic with a diploma in....
-- electrical student in republic polytechnic >>> ?
-- at various engineering and research company >>> (number) ?
-- some of the technic >>> (wrong spelling/number) ?
-- without great understanding to it. >>> without understanding it well
2. verb issues
-- We had communication lesson on Wednesday and it was also the first time I talk to almost everyone in the class. >>> (inconsistent verb tense usage) We had communication lesson on Wednesday and it was also the first time I talkED to almost everyone in the class.
-- I am trained to build circuits and learning basic fundamental ... >>> (inconsistent verb tense usage)
-- One of my favour topic would be signals and battery, which I research it in depth myself and chose it as my FYP later on in my diploma. >>> One of my favourITE topicS WAS signals and batterIES, which I researchED in depth myself and chose THEN as my FYP.
-- technic that was apply >>> (spelling/verb form) ?
3. sentence structure
-- Due to associate with people whom are engineers and scientist, i had opportunity to learn how they translate term to people who are not in the field. >>> Due to associatING with people who are engineers and scientistS, I had THE opportunity to learn how they translate term(??) to people who are not in the field.
Please work on revising this while taking into account the grammar principles involved.
Cheers,
Brad
Thanks for the summary of my mistake. I will definitely improve on my grammar in future letter writing.
Delete